REVERSE PHOTOSHOPPING

A few months ago I had come across an article via Facebook that took me by complete shock. The term I learned in this article was called "Reverse PhotoShopping".  Essentially this phrase means that retouching photos is not used to make models look thinner, but is now being used to make models look fuller and healthier; no ribs or bones protruding from their skin.

This took a minute for me to process that it was actually a real thing that was happening. In our society, there is so much pressure for models to look extremely slim; collar bones showing, hip bones showing, and the infamous thigh gap. The models are trying to hard to fit this look that some are making themselves sick in order to achieve it.  Unfortunately, the editors are able to cover up the ill-side of models by now plumping the models back up to a healthier, yet still slim figure via Photoshop.

The former editors of Cosmo, Healthy Magazine, Vogue, and British Vogue have all admitted to having to photoshop models to make them look not so thin. These are fashion magazines that have a huge influence over the female population, specifically how we as women are supposed to replicate. As I have previously written about, media has a large impact on female's perceptions of their own body, and it can be correlated with a higher percentage of eating disorders. In a recent study I read:
"A meta-analysis of 25 studies involving female subjects, examined the effect of exposure to media images of the slender body ideal. Body image was significantly more negative after viewing thin media images than after viewing images of either average size models, plus size models or inanimate objects. "
-essentially this means that girls feel worse about their own bodies after seeing the bodies of the models in magazines. We are buying the magazines that are making us feel inadequate. I admit to buy Cosmo, Vogue, etc, unknowing that even if I am aware of how the media affects me, I am still buying into the falseness of the images.  It is hard to continuously remind yourself when you are looking at a beautiful editorial of Gisele in Vogue to remind yourself that, "yes she is gorgeous, but she is photoshopped to further enhance her 'beauty' (which can be defined as clear skin or a small wasit) and it is almost impossible to look like that without the help of photoshop". That is not an affirmation I want or will remember to tell myself each time i pick up one of these magazine. The intense use of photoshopping needs to be regulated and its heartbreaking that something this emotionally damaging has not yet been banned.
THANK GOODNESS SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I was so happy as I was researching articles for this blog that two congresswomen were in the midst of trying to regulate photoshopping. Republican Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen and Democratic Rep. Lois Capps have co-sponsored a bill entitled H.R. 4341: Truth in Advertising Act of 2014, which calls for photoshop regulation in media and advertising. Essentially this bill will try and create guidelines for photoshopping, so as it does not continue to promote unrealistic body images. YAY! I will continue to follow this as I think its fantastic. (SIDE NOTE: this is the link that talks about the bill, you can actually voice your opinion to your local congress member about your support so hopefully it can get passed! https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/113/hr4341/text)
However, as I was writing this article is dawned on me, I dont have to wait for a bill to pass to regulate photoshop. As a model, I have signed numerous contracts allowing others to photoshop me for use in their editorials. What most independent models such as myself dont do, is create their own contracts. Usually they are used to protect their own rights of publication and such. What I have decided to do from today forward, is to have my own contract for those who i work with stating that they are unable to use photoshop to manipulate my size, shape, or proportions. If they are unwilling to sign it, I will be unwilling to work with them. I would love for this idea to catch on among other models in my community, and possibly further than that. I will be developing a contract within the next week or so, and if you want a copy to use for your own modeling PLEASE EMAIL ME! I think that waiting for major corporations such as Vogue and Cosmo to decide to start regulating photoshopping is going to be a LONG battle. I think starting with the models is a better way to fix the problem sooner. Just imagine is Gisele or Kate Upton prevented the use of photoshopping to manipulate their size, how much support they would get from others. This may be a pipe dream, but I like to dream big :)

here are some of the links to the articles I found my information on if you want to look further into this topic <3 you are all amazing and thanks again for reading

http://jezebel.com/congresswomen-introduce-bill-to-regulate-overzealous-ph-1564436575
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792687/
https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/113/hr4341/text

Blame it on Barbie?

http://m.refinery29.com/2014/02/61795/barbie-designers-body-image-issue?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=post

I read an interesting article last week on Barbie's potential influence on body image (post above) on children as well as adults, and as growing up playing with barbies I was curious to see, is Barbie really to Blame?

The argument of the article is: do the unrealistic proportions of Barbie affect the mental health of the child? As we have all heard, if Barbie was real, her proportions would have her walking on all fours because she would be so top heavy.  Galia Slayen, a former student at Hamilton College, was the first to really show what Barbie would look like if she were real.

Barbie does lok ridiculous when we use her "real-life" proportions (everything besides her head). Definitely not as attractive as when she is in her normal toy form. As adults, we are aware that she is not how people actually look and as adults we are aware that Barbie is only a toy, but as children, do they know what we as adults know? Im leaning towards no. The article made a good point that at the same age they are playing with Barbies is the same age they still believe in Santa Claus. They dont see Barbie's "flaws" the same as adults see them. Barbie is whatever the child makes them out to be, one day she is playing mommy to Skipper, one day she is rescuing puppies as a veterinarian, one day she is your buddy in the bath tub, and one day she is your very best friend. Barbie is never casted as the blonde bombshell or the hot girl at the club. Barbie seems to just be the vessel of childhood imagination, not someone who dictates it. I find it hard to believe that Barbie can be responsible for childhood low-self esteem, low self-worth, poor body image, or promoting eating disorders. Not that I rule out Barbie has zero influence, but i find it to be minimal. What I think is more important is the people surrounding the child and how they foster a healthy image of how people should look, behave, and think. If  a child has parents or guardians that are promoting individuality, self-worth, and positive body image, they are going to be less likely to be influenced by the societal pressures of being Barbie. We as a society tend to find reasons to blame external uncontrollable factors for things that occur, instead of trying to focus on what we can do right now to make the situation better. I think this article is a perfect example of the struggle of who's to blame. 
As parents, guardians, brothers, sisters, FRIENDS etc we can have a great influence on the ideals of a child, regardless of what society is pressuring them to be. If we help to create a strong sense of self, the child is less likely to be influenced on what others have told them they need to be ( read this in one of my psych books, cant find the source, will post when i stumble upon it so for now take my word for it). We all have the power to positively or negatively reinforce someone, and compliments are always free, so we should use them more often. Although we cannot control all the outside influences on what society shows us to be ideal, we can help to influence others in our own way and it can be just if not more powerful. 
Thanks again for reading! 

Healthy=Great Butt...what?

I recently did a presentation in class about how the media influences eating disorders and body image.  It was probably one of the easiest projects I have done in grad school because picking out potential triggers and influences in the media in our western culture is extremely easy and accessible....

I went into the local grocery store and scanned the magazine rack for something that was a good example of western culture's ideal of how women are "supposed" to look. The magazine that caught my attention the most was Women's Health; ironic right? A magazine that is supposed to inform women about their health was going to be the perfect example of why western culture promotes a generally unrealistic yet idealized image of a woman.... anyways there is a lot to dissect so here is the cover i saw..

GREAT BUTT...WEIGH LESS..... this is what women's health should consist of?? hmm..

Lets first break this down by the messages this is sending to the general population of all ages as they are in the grocery aisle.

Toddlers: They might not be able to read, but they can see. Children at this age learn what is or what is not appropriate through modeling behaviors of others.  Those adults with children, I can assume that you have taken them to the grocery store with you and they have probably seen the magazines in the check out stand. What does the child see in this picture? A lady in her underwear and a small top smiling, she looks happy and seems to be enjoying herself.  Children may not understand that this might "just be for the magazine" or that its only ok to dress like this if your an adult.  All they see is a half naked woman on the cover of a magazine, looking happy to be there. What do you think this is telling your child? It could be sending numerous messages, but one that it could be sending is "this is what girls wear. i am wearing this and i am happy. this is what girls look like when they wear this".  Boys see this and girls see this. both are getting similar messages of how girls are supposed to look. This is how media can start to shape what is the "ideal women" even at such a young age.

Big Kids: These kids might not be able to read very well, but they know their words. As stated previously, the biggest words on the front cover are "Women's Health" and "Great Butt".  Health is being associated with having a great butt. Sounds ridiculous, right?.  Children are looking at this magazine and seeing something that is supposed to educate them on their health, however in this case health means to great butt and to weigh less.  Something else to point out is, what does weigh less mean? Weigh less than what? It doesn't say, all it says is to weigh less.  Thinness is valued greatly in western culture, so much that it doesn't seem to matter what size someone is, just that they have to be thinner to be ideal.  You would think a magazine that promotes health should read "Learn how to maintain a healthy weight" or "Find out your healthy BMI range"...but it doesn't, it just says that for Women's Health, they should just weigh less.  Once again, there can be a lot of different messages taken from this cover, but the potential that a kid can take this magazine and connect being healthy to having a great butt is the not the appropriate message to be sending. 

ADULTS: US! the ones who think that they might not be as influenced by the media as these children are, the ones who believe they are no susceptible to peer pressure or social pressure, yet we are the ones who are buying it because the title says "WEIGH LESS...GREAT BUTT...FLAT BELLY IN LESS THAN 15 MINUTEs". Magazines pay lots of money to find out what consumers are attracted to and what makes them more inclined to purchase their magazine, so having those titles on the front cover is not by chance, its by what is known to sell.  and we purchase these magazines because we have been taught over the years that to be thin is ideal, that we must "weigh less" than we do to feel better, that flat abs are going to get us a better life or a cuter boyfriend and that "mind blowing morning sex" should be accompanied by a "great butt". It's a little crazy if you think about it.

but is this what we truly believe? it can have some truth to how we feel, this is what keeps plastic surgeons in business, tucking, sucking, and lifting; it is a multi million dollar practice.  People want to look better than they do, because they heard someone say they need a straighter nose, they need bigger boobs, and they need a smaller waist in order to feel better about themselves.  Don't get me wrong, working out and eating well changes the shape of our bodies and makes us stronger and we might enjoy the way we look now opposed to how we looked before we started going to crossfit or hot yoga or whatever you do to keep in shape, but making sure your happiness with yourself is not contingent on how many classes you do or don't attend is important It is important because the image of our bodies should not shave such a strong influence about how we view ourselves.  We are smart, we are courageous, we are independent, we are brave, we are creative, we are loving, we are loveable, we are so many more important things than the message our body image sends.  Stay mindful of the messages that are out there, but more importantly be mindful of how those messages might affect you. They are so many people unhappy with their appearance due to these messages that have been sent to us our entire lives, so how can we overcome something that is almost engrained into our minds? I don't have the answer to that, but I can say what helps is acceptance. Accepting yourself for who you are right now, not last year, not after you do a 30 day bootcamp, but right now in the present.

 On a personal note, there was a time that I did not feel happy with how i looked, to the point that I was ridiculous enough to make a list of plastic surgeries I could have done (this was after that horrible show The Swan--if you don't know if google it). Basically I wanted to look "ideal", what society had said was "ideal". as i got older, through many different life experiences, it clicked for me.  I learned to love how i looked, regardless if i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in high school, or if my boobs weren't as big as my best friends, or if i didn't fit into a sample size as a model casting. I didnt let that determine how I felt about myself.  I have learned to just truly love how i look, and have seen how much happier I am because how much i DONT stress about it. 

so stop standing in front of the mirror, analyzing and critiquing all the things you don't like about yourself. stop changing your outfit 50 times before you leave the house because you don't feel it "looks ok". you look great. I stumbled upon a quote this week that is a good closing to this entry...

"Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it."

— Yves Saint-Laurent

That's all for now. I hope you enjoyed reading this topic, one of my favorites so far. youre all so beautiful :) and thank you for reading!

#anorexia #bulimia #instagramproblems

First let me share my excitement with everyone. I officially have an interview with Monte Nido NYC. for those of you who are not familiar with it, it is one of the most prestigious Eating Disorder Treatment Facilities in the nation. It has been my long term goal to become apart of Monte Nido so I am beyond crazy excited that I even have an interview with them.  They just opened Monte Nido NYC this month, so it will be great to be apart of a brand new branch. So please, send lots of positive vibes my way!

As you can see from the title, this post has to deal with my recent realization how instagram unknowingly allows hundreds and thousands of individuals to expose their eating disorder and even get supporters on their quest for thinness. Individuals are posting pictures of their emaciated bodies, asking for support and motivation to starve themselves, and helping to cheer them on when they skip dinner. It is really sad.

This was not the only picture of its kind.  People would post "one like=one day of not eating". It made me so angry and sad to see so many likes on someones picture and the comments cheering them on. As discussed in my previous posts, Thinspiration is a big part of the pro-ana world (pro anorexia).  People will use images of emaciated bodies as motivation to get thinner.  What Instagram does now is create an entire library of #thinspiration photos that eating disordered individuals are using as "goals". A main concern with so much #thinspiration available, is that it may also create not only unhealthy goals, but create competition between individuals, trying to be the thinnest, or trading ideas on how they got to a certain weight. This is dangerous because the wealth of information that is out there is not just how to recover, but how to maintain the eating disorder, which makes it a lot easier for an individual new to their disease to learn a lot of negative information very quickly. too quickly. 

#anorexia is another support group (both good and bad) that creates a community for those suffering with it.  a mixture of cries for help, pictures liek the one shown above, and quotes saying "nothing taste as good as thin feels". A lot of negative self-talk is most apparent. Its scary that there are so many people out there who are PRO-ANA (pro-anorexia), and they are able to group together to help support each other maintain their eating disorder instead of trying to overcome it. This type of behavior just reinforces their harmful behavior.  Especially since Instagram is not really monitored and parents and family might have a hard time accessing a loved ones IG page, there is no one to tell these Pro-Ana supporters to stop. It is also hard to tell if these Pro-ANA people are also suffering or if this is just another form of bullying; others taking advantage of someones vulnerable state and using it to take control and tell someone else not to eat or tell them that starving themselves is the right thing to do.  I think i spent about an hour just looking through different hashtags of all these pictures and it is hard not to feel heartbroken for these beautiful individuals.  As much as the internet has provided so many resources for eating disorder recovery and recovery groups, negative support is almost as prevalent.  Thank goodness there is a report button, and I think I spent half an hour just reporting...

I thought it was GREAT that instagram has this option. Not because I think reporting the picture will cause a great deal of change, but that might create one less "PRO-ANA" picture for those suffering from an eating disorder. Its sad how engulfed these individuals are by their eating disorder. Another great thing that Instagram has done is to put a warning notice anytime someone tries to search #bulimia #anorexia #eating disorders, etc

This made me so happy to know that there are others out there working towards the cause! The internet and social media is a great way to connect, but we never think people are connecting for these types of reasons.  #Suicide was really depressing as well, and you would think people would be using this to help them out of suicidal ideations, but there are people out there telling them to do follow thru with their suicide. I think in the future of social media, there needs to be more being done about bullying, abusive/offensive statements, and harassment on these sites. A task force or an entire department should be devoted to the cause.  Maybe that could be a prospective venture for me in the future, who knows. lol

What I want everyone to take away from this post, is to be aware of what is out there.  BE aware of what is going on in the world, and as for parents to realize what is out there.  Especially now teenagers have a lot more privacy when it comes to social networking, they can see a lot of things due to the internet and smart phones that was not accessible 10 years ago. This is one of them.  Especially if you have a teen with ED, monitoring all of this is important to make sure they are getting the RIGHT type of support, and not learning tricks of how to hide their eating disorder, or having people support their purging habits.  

to all those who are fighting through their eating disorder, keep fighting, you are strong enough, i believe in you. 

 Pro-Living > Pro-ANA 

Back on track!

I am back. Ive been wanting to be back for a long time now but school, work, internship, and my recent aspirations of modeling have taken up any and all time I have left. It has been over a year since I last wrote so I guess I should catch everyone up on my life. Last year I started my Master’s in Clinical Psychology with an Emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy. My road to being a therapist, working with the eating disorder population, has started! I have had an amazing time so far at Pepperdine University, and I am learning so much, that I am already starting to feel like a real person! I have also started an internship as a “practicing therapist” at a substance abuse center in Compton, CA. It has been a very interesting experience and it feels so amazing being able to practice what I have been learning in school to help better other people’s lives. Its amazing. The reason I did not choose to get an internship at an ED (eating disorders) unit was because I had previous experience at Princeton University Medical Hospital working in the eating disorders unit (which was the most amazing experience), so I wanted to broaden my scope a bit and learn about a different population. I also currently work at Jenny Craig. When I first started working there about a year ago, I didn’t realize how good of a fit it would be for me, but over time I realized that disordered eating has a huge range of how it can affect a person. Overeating and Undereating both are huge issues in today’s society. What they both have in common is that as a “therapist” or “weight loss consultant”, you are trying to help your client obtain a new relationship with food and their body. Both have a hard time with overcoming the control food has had in their lives, and at Jenny Craig I get to help people to establish a new lifestyle towards food and themselves.
 My newest life venture, which is also the primary topic of this post is my new interest in Modeling. I am well aware the stigma of the modeling world and how that effects the media, publications, fashion, etc; and how that has affected society as a whole, especially the female population. Fashion and modeling place a great deal of emphasis towards thin women, and since that is the preference, we see it everywhere. My journey with the modeling world started last year when I auditioned for America’s Next Top Model. This is also where my idea of what type of model I wanted to be had started. During auditions I had met an awesome beautiful girl, who was tall like me, but was not the “stereotypical model”. She was lean, toned, healthy looking, and had curves to her, which most models on the catwalk are missing. As I looked around the group of females I was with, everyone was different shapes and sizes, and it was great to see we had all been in the later rounds of the competition. The girl I had described ended up finishing in the TOP 2! of that season on America’s Next Top Model, and for me that’s when it really dawned on me that the modeling world is starting to change. She did not have to fit the “mold” of a 5’10, 100lbs model, but she still succeeded. A lot of pressure and years of casting those type of models have limited to the runways to size 0s. It seems that the break of 2-4-6-8s are now making their way.
 I have done a lot of thinking about my modeling and how it would affect my career as a therapist working with people with eating disorders, knowing that the industry I am involving myself in has been used as “thinspiration” for thousands of girls who find themselves bent over the toilet because they are trying to strive for thinness. I have thought a lot about it, and realized that the model I want to become is to become a model that should be a inspiration, not a thinspiration. I want to be the model that eats healthy, not depriving herself to fit into a sample size. There is such an obsession with thinness in model world, and I want to enjoy this experience, not suffer through it. I also want to use my modeling to advocate more for ED and positive body image. Basically I want to use this opportunity to be not just a model, but a ROLE model. I know in that, I will succeed. ☺ I will try to update this blog more often with information about ED or just cool articles I think pertain. If you come across any articles feel free to share so I can post it as well. I am so excited to get restarted on this journey! Glad you can join me!

How much does a calorie weigh?

For those of you who have taken a science class, you know that a calorie is unit of energy and is not measures by weight necessarily...what I am referring to is how much weight people give to the importance of a calorie. How important is it to them? How much time do people spend looking at calories, counting calories, thinking about calories, and consuming/not consuming calories? You do not have to have an eating disorder for calories to be important. Athletes count calories to make sure they are consuming enough, Dieticians count calories because it is part of their job.etc. There are many reasons why people count calories and why they are important to them, but there are those out there that calories weigh too much of an importance in their life.
The appearance of calories are showing up everywhere. Companies are now putting the calorie content of a soda in big numbers right on the front of the can, just incase one didn’t bother to look at the nutritional facts on the back. Recently in California it became mandated to put nutritional facts on every menu item in a restaurant; which includes mcdonalds to applebees to starbucks. We all know that a Caramel Frap isn’t always the best choice, but now being unable to escape the realization that its 1500 calories might kill the enjoyment for some. I can understand the reason companies and the government choose to make nutritional facts more available. They want people, who normally aren’t aware, to become more educated about what and how much of it they are consuming. For people who did not pay attention before, now they have no choice anytime they go out to eat or get a soda out of the vending machine. Now that people are aware, they can choose to make the "healthier" decisions, maybe apples instead of French fries, or maybe a diet instead of a regular soda. (I put "healthier" in this case in quotations because not all foods that are low in calories are necessarily healthier). For some having the calories on the side of a can is very helpful, for others, it can be an unwelcome reminder of what they are about to put in their bodies
After seeing the good in the appearance of calories I couldn’t help but see what negative effects there can be. For a person with an eating disorder, calorie content can be very triggering. Seeing it now on everything can seem overwhelming for a person with disordered eating. Its in their face more than it has been, and ordering something from a restaurant might not just be a choice of what they are craving that day, but what has the lowest calorie content. During my internship we were instructed to divert sometimes attention if we could see they were focusing on the nutritional facts on their food items. Working in a ED unit, you notice the important that calories have on someone’s emotions. For someone used to counting calories and controlling what does or does not go into their body, finally introducing food that was before “off limits” due to its calorie content, can be very hard. This is a reason why we were instructed not to let them focus on the nutritional facts label. There are various other reasons for this rule, but I can see how someone in the situation might not enjoy the food item as much if they know the details, or it might even prevent the person from wanting it all together. Eventually, we want those recovering from ED to be able to look at calorie content and not have negative feelings towards them, but in the earlier phases of recovery, this might be impossible. So I can see how those with ED might have a problem with the appearance of caloric intake increasingly obvious on food products, but even those without ed can have problems with it as well.
American culture in the past 10 years or so has devoted so much attention on dieting, and most of these diets involve cutting calories. This creates the problem of what one wants and what one “should” have. Yes, we all want to make healthy food choices, but when we don’t, should we be subjected to the burden of knowing the piece of cheesecake we just consumed was half of our recommended daily calorie intake? I don’t think so.
Besides affecting the consumers of these products now, what about the younger generation. The "dietless" generation. The kids who have no idea what a calorie is or what a diet is, how are they going to react to this change? I was at a restaurant the other day, where, there is calorie content next to the menu item, and I overheard a small child asking the mom what the extra numbers were? The mother told the child that it was the amount of calories. The child proceeded to ask what that meant and the mom said something to the effect that its how many points food is; That good foods are less and bad foods are more. As you can probably predict I wanted to go and slap this woman with the menu lol i was not happy. The child is learning at such a young age what is “good” food and what is “bad” food. In my opinion, there is really no such thing. Everything is good in moderation, and as in life, its always important to have a good balance. It makes me concerned that I know this is not the first child to ask their mom the same question, and it worries me to know what other parents are saying as an answer to this question. Are we setting up the child for a healthy perspective of food, or are we setting them of to have a black/white mentality of what they should and should not eat. Should a child ever feel guilty for eating a certain type of food? Of course not. We should be very aware of how we teach out children about food, so they don’t have an unhealthy perspective later on.
Another very important question is, should an adult ever feel guilty for eating a certain type of food? The answer remains the same, no. But for some, that question might be a little harder to answer for some Remember, youre child is like a sponge and their behaviors will reflect youre own. Just because you are educating your child about food in a healthy manner, if you do not follow your own advise your child will see that. For example, youre at a birthday party and cake is being passed around. Your child grabs a piece of cake, but when the mother is offered a slice she makes a comment saying “no thanks, its too many calories, im trying to watch my figure”, the child will see and pay attention to that, and the next time they are offered a slice of cake, it wouldn’t be too surprising they could give the same response. Like they say, monkey see monkey do. And yes the parent might be trying to stay away from food that is high in calories, but it might not be best to demonstrate your concern about calories in front of your child. I am not saying that this child is going to have an eating disorder later in life, its just something that I would be more aware of as a parent who is trying to teach the child to have a positive view of food.
Anyways, going back to my main subject of the more prominent appearance of calories, I think it should have stayed the way it was. Knowledge is power, but I think in this case it is important to look at the cons and not just the pros. Instead of having the calorie content on the can, I think the government should instead use those efforts to teach kids more about things such as the food pyramid. Teach kids the power of whole grains or what foods can make their bones grow strong. I think if the government took this approach instead of just focusing on calories, I think the perspective of food will change and people will stop stressing about calories and instead embrace foods because of how they help your body to function. Just some food for thought… ;)


PS. sorry about my absence from the blog. trying to get back and pumping out more blogs :)

If You Can't Say Something Nice...

I recently started looking into this campaign called #LoveisLouder. Essentially it is an anti-bullying campaign that celebrities are trying to endorse that tries to spread the word to cut down on the negativity in our society. The concept is great, and there is definitely a lesson to be learned. In today's society, the social media has used its influence over society in both positive and negative ways. But, social media also has its downside. They will be the first to BASH someone if they do not follow their rules of 'what not to wear'. Watching E! "Fashion Police" or reading up the daily dose on Perez Hilton's Celebtriy Gossip Website, i am almost disgusted on how brutal they are towards celebrities and their appearances. They are rude, cruel, and straight forward. Usually using someone's fashion mishap or fashion ((faux pa?)) as an excuse for comedy or beratement. They will tear apart a celebrity on every aspect. Starting about how foul their dress is, then to how their body looks, whether they have gained 15 pounds in their thighs or look like skeletons. They continue on to whatever else they chose to attack on. Yea, we can say celebrities are used to this, that they should have to deal with it because its comes with the territory of being famous, but that type of thinking is counterproductive in our society. If we become maladaptive to hearing others getting bashed on their appearance, who is to say we wont think its ok to start doing the same to our friends, or even worse to ourselves?

I will admit to being one of those people. I was almost known for being the person to say something if someone walked by with a ridiculous outfit on. Not to them, but to my friends that would usually be some type of comedic statement but sometimes would just be unnecessarily mean. One year for lent I even gave up talking shit about strangers. Yea i know that is really bad to admit to but that what it was. But, actively working on not saying anything negative about a stranger really showed me that there was no reason to say anything negative about someone you don't know, or even the people you do know, especially when it came to appearances. You never know how much weight your words are worth. While working at the EDU at Princeton, there were so many cases that these girls could remember the first time someone made a comment about their weight/appearance and it happened to have triggered their eating disorder. some people have never been conscious of their body or weight, so when someone says something about it, it can cause people to panic and wonder if somehting is really wrong with their appearance. Not saying that everytime you comment on someones weight they are gunna have an ED, but that words are powerful things, and you should be careful what you do with them. My realization that talking negatively about someone doesn't benefit anyone. It goes to the saying, if you cant say anything nice, don't say anything at all. it does not make the person you're talking about feel better, and it doesn't really benefit you in anyway either. Its a lose lose. Saying something nice is, for the most part, a win win. Telling someone how great they look, will make them smile, and that smile will more than likely make you smile right back. One of the reasons that i want to become a therapist is that I want to make people feel and function better. In my professional life i want to be able to help people work through situations by positive speaking, and in my personal life I should be working on doing the same.

Talking negatively about others is not the only problem, because sometimes the most damaging comments come from ourselves. Its the The days when we tell ourselves we look fat, when we tell ourselves we aren't as attractive, when we don't think we deserve to feel better about ourselves. These comments I have heard from friends, family,and sometimes myself. It happens. We cannot all have good days. But I feel like in our society in particular, the pressure to look a certain way is intense. Thin is the main word that comes to mind. A majority of our society is trying to reach that certain level of thinness, and when we don't achieve it, we feel horrible about ourselves. I was watching Mean Girls other day and it was a good example of this trend. Lindsay Lohan's character Katy was watching The PLastics stand infront of the mirror and pick apart everything they felt was wrong with them. "my nail beds suck", "my shoulders are huge", "i have a huge forehead". and in the background Katy said, "i thought there was only fat and skinny". We have become so much more critical of ourselves, and we alll need to take a step back and accept what we got and what we were given. During my time at the EDU unit, I learned what affirmations were. The therapists would give their patient a phrase to repeat to themselves, maybe 5 times in the morning and 5 at night. They would be stuff that was so simple, "I am beautiful". The point was that at first, they would be saying it, not believing it, but over time they were not just saying it, but telling it to themselves as a fact. I think affirmations don't just need to be used in hospitals but in everyday life. How many times do you look at yourself in the mirror and say, "wow you're beautiful/smart/amazing/gorgous/etc". probably none. but think about it, if you were told everyday you were beautiful, wouldn't that make you smile? lol i think so. POSITIVE THOUGHTS PEOPLE!!

What I was trying to get out of this blog and my message to the masses was that we need to start being nicer as a society. Stop hating on people, stop making fun of others at their expense, and stop making unnecessary comments that does not better anyone. We should all be trying to bring each other up instead of bringing people down. There is a great quote from Marian Anderson, that pretty much sums it up, "As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might". Take it as a personal mission to try and eliminate negative talk out of your life. Before you berate someone else or yourself, realize it doesn't help anyone. No one benefits from it. On the other hand, saying something positive is ALWAYS a good thing, and only makes things better.