Back on track!

I am back. Ive been wanting to be back for a long time now but school, work, internship, and my recent aspirations of modeling have taken up any and all time I have left. It has been over a year since I last wrote so I guess I should catch everyone up on my life. Last year I started my Master’s in Clinical Psychology with an Emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy. My road to being a therapist, working with the eating disorder population, has started! I have had an amazing time so far at Pepperdine University, and I am learning so much, that I am already starting to feel like a real person! I have also started an internship as a “practicing therapist” at a substance abuse center in Compton, CA. It has been a very interesting experience and it feels so amazing being able to practice what I have been learning in school to help better other people’s lives. Its amazing. The reason I did not choose to get an internship at an ED (eating disorders) unit was because I had previous experience at Princeton University Medical Hospital working in the eating disorders unit (which was the most amazing experience), so I wanted to broaden my scope a bit and learn about a different population. I also currently work at Jenny Craig. When I first started working there about a year ago, I didn’t realize how good of a fit it would be for me, but over time I realized that disordered eating has a huge range of how it can affect a person. Overeating and Undereating both are huge issues in today’s society. What they both have in common is that as a “therapist” or “weight loss consultant”, you are trying to help your client obtain a new relationship with food and their body. Both have a hard time with overcoming the control food has had in their lives, and at Jenny Craig I get to help people to establish a new lifestyle towards food and themselves.
 My newest life venture, which is also the primary topic of this post is my new interest in Modeling. I am well aware the stigma of the modeling world and how that effects the media, publications, fashion, etc; and how that has affected society as a whole, especially the female population. Fashion and modeling place a great deal of emphasis towards thin women, and since that is the preference, we see it everywhere. My journey with the modeling world started last year when I auditioned for America’s Next Top Model. This is also where my idea of what type of model I wanted to be had started. During auditions I had met an awesome beautiful girl, who was tall like me, but was not the “stereotypical model”. She was lean, toned, healthy looking, and had curves to her, which most models on the catwalk are missing. As I looked around the group of females I was with, everyone was different shapes and sizes, and it was great to see we had all been in the later rounds of the competition. The girl I had described ended up finishing in the TOP 2! of that season on America’s Next Top Model, and for me that’s when it really dawned on me that the modeling world is starting to change. She did not have to fit the “mold” of a 5’10, 100lbs model, but she still succeeded. A lot of pressure and years of casting those type of models have limited to the runways to size 0s. It seems that the break of 2-4-6-8s are now making their way.
 I have done a lot of thinking about my modeling and how it would affect my career as a therapist working with people with eating disorders, knowing that the industry I am involving myself in has been used as “thinspiration” for thousands of girls who find themselves bent over the toilet because they are trying to strive for thinness. I have thought a lot about it, and realized that the model I want to become is to become a model that should be a inspiration, not a thinspiration. I want to be the model that eats healthy, not depriving herself to fit into a sample size. There is such an obsession with thinness in model world, and I want to enjoy this experience, not suffer through it. I also want to use my modeling to advocate more for ED and positive body image. Basically I want to use this opportunity to be not just a model, but a ROLE model. I know in that, I will succeed. ☺ I will try to update this blog more often with information about ED or just cool articles I think pertain. If you come across any articles feel free to share so I can post it as well. I am so excited to get restarted on this journey! Glad you can join me!

Sweat More, Eat Less

Our society today, as we all know, is overwhelmed with the amount of diet fads, workout plans, and different type of gyms that it literally gives me a headache from trying to understand them all. But throughout my own life, and im sure many others as well, when i think of going on a diet first two things that come to mind are...
1. Work out more
2. Eat Less

For a majority of my older teen/adult life, anytime i attempt to "get in shape" those were the rules. I would like to think I eat pretty healthily. Lots of fruits and veggies, plenty of water, variety of proteins, little to no junkfood. I also have a pretty slender build and have never been overweight. Yet anytime I wanted to start working out, i would cut back my caloric intake because thats how i believed diets worked. Sweat More, Eat Less.
Up until recently I have always hated working out. The thought of it made me miserable. All i could think of was a growling belly and being upset i couldnt run a 6 minute mile. The thought of a gym gave me anxiety. Due to this level of hatred for working out, i hadn't been to a gym in 2+ years. I was afraid of how hte gym made me feel so refused the societal pressure to get a gym membership and work out. But, this past March I decided that for my birthday in june, i wanted to be strong and fit again. Before when i went to the gym it was for everyone else and not for me. It was to fit into the societal norms, to keep up with the celebrities on tv, and unfortunately it was also for the members of the opposite sex. I know a lot of peopel go to the gym for a stress release, but for me it would tend to build more stress than it relieved. So in March, i decided it was for me. there were no pressures to workout and i felt really good about that. I wouldnt get mad that I missed a day, or that i didnt push it at the gym as hard as i should

So i signed up at a RowZone, a Rowing Studio in philadelphia. 12 weeks of unlimited classes to get me started. The first week went great. I was out of shape but it felt good to sweat again, but the 2nd week, my old habits of sweating more and eating less idea of a diet came back. I started cutting back calories here and there. No ranch on my veggies, no desserts, less carbs etc. I felt ok cuttingg back, but when it came to working out at the gym i was drained. I could barely finish the workout. After a conversation with a friend it dawned on me, i can continue to eat what i want, continue to work out, and still will lose weight/build muscle/look fit/feel strong/etc. This sounds liek a simple concept but for most peopel I feel like there is a lot of people who dont see it either.
The media hasnt helped with this concept either. you almost never see a diet being advertised without a workout plan that follows it. And more than likely that diet plan doesnt include carbs. They don't realize that not everyone is trying to lose weight. BUt, since the workout plan typically come with both the diet adn exercise, normally people tend to do both even when its unnecessary. Doing anytype of workout is better than nothing. if you continue eating what you are eating now and and start working out, your body will make changes (losing weight, losing fat, etc) If not trying to lose weight (which i am not trying to do), you are actually able to consume MORE calories than you were eating before. I was talking to my dietician the other day and she even was as bold to tell me that by eating MORE calories might actually cause me to lose weight....? i was shocked. she said that if ur body is working off limited calories, it will hold on to what it needs plus some just in case it needs them for later. But if you are eating a little more than what your body is use to, your body can start getting rid of the extra reserve calories since it knows it doesnt need to hold on to them (aka stored fats) so when you work out, those will be the ones to go first. EPIPHANY! lol

What i am trying to get at in this post is our society's thoughts of a diet is deprivation. Eat less so you can lose more. Although some people, usually those who are trying to fall into a healthy weight range, do need to decrease their caloric intake as well as include working out into their lifestyle, there are the people's whose weight falls in the normal range that dont need to follow this rule that has been set upon us by society. Working out and dieting shouldnt always be to lose weight. The scale can sometimes be our enemy rather than our friend. People focus so much on a goal number, but what I have learned recently is that someones self esteem/bodyimage/confidence should not rest so heavily on a number. What should matter is the image you see in the mirror. For example, i used to be set on the number 130. if i was 130 i convinced myself that i would like the way i looked no matter what. no matter if it was 130lbs of fat or muscle. but then i reached 130. and i didnt like it. my body looked like a teenager. being hispanic, my genetics are made for curves. i wanted curves, i wanted to look like a 22 year old woman. 130 no longer made me happy. luckily this coincidened with the batteries running out on my scale, and i have yet to replace them. Since working out, i have found an entirely new appreciation for my body. i dont even care to think about the scale. if i like the image in front of me, why should a scale matter? Societys pressure to lose weight does not take into consideration that not everybody needs to/wants to/ or should. Be happy with yourself and your body. Even if you are trying to lose weight to get to a HEALTHY weight, try not to focus on a number, whether thats the number on the scale or the size on your jeans, finding a certain level of contentment or happiness at ANY size i feel takes so much pressure off. you dont need a scale to see that youre slimming down and gaining muscle. I enjoy going to the gym now because im not trying to kill myself to lose 5 lbs. im going to the gym to feel strong, to enjoy my body, and to finalyl relieve the other stresses in my life. and i think that THAT is the message that needs to be more in the eyes of the public....hope u enjoyed.