I recently started looking into this campaign called #LoveisLouder. Essentially it is an anti-bullying campaign that celebrities are trying to endorse that tries to spread the word to cut down on the negativity in our society. The concept is great, and there is definitely a lesson to be learned. In today's society, the social media has used its influence over society in both positive and negative ways. But, social media also has its downside. They will be the first to BASH someone if they do not follow their rules of 'what not to wear'. Watching E! "Fashion Police" or reading up the daily dose on Perez Hilton's Celebtriy Gossip Website, i am almost disgusted on how brutal they are towards celebrities and their appearances. They are rude, cruel, and straight forward. Usually using someone's fashion mishap or fashion ((faux pa?)) as an excuse for comedy or beratement. They will tear apart a celebrity on every aspect. Starting about how foul their dress is, then to how their body looks, whether they have gained 15 pounds in their thighs or look like skeletons. They continue on to whatever else they chose to attack on. Yea, we can say celebrities are used to this, that they should have to deal with it because its comes with the territory of being famous, but that type of thinking is counterproductive in our society. If we become maladaptive to hearing others getting bashed on their appearance, who is to say we wont think its ok to start doing the same to our friends, or even worse to ourselves?
I will admit to being one of those people. I was almost known for being the person to say something if someone walked by with a ridiculous outfit on. Not to them, but to my friends that would usually be some type of comedic statement but sometimes would just be unnecessarily mean. One year for lent I even gave up talking shit about strangers. Yea i know that is really bad to admit to but that what it was. But, actively working on not saying anything negative about a stranger really showed me that there was no reason to say anything negative about someone you don't know, or even the people you do know, especially when it came to appearances. You never know how much weight your words are worth. While working at the EDU at Princeton, there were so many cases that these girls could remember the first time someone made a comment about their weight/appearance and it happened to have triggered their eating disorder. some people have never been conscious of their body or weight, so when someone says something about it, it can cause people to panic and wonder if somehting is really wrong with their appearance. Not saying that everytime you comment on someones weight they are gunna have an ED, but that words are powerful things, and you should be careful what you do with them. My realization that talking negatively about someone doesn't benefit anyone. It goes to the saying, if you cant say anything nice, don't say anything at all. it does not make the person you're talking about feel better, and it doesn't really benefit you in anyway either. Its a lose lose. Saying something nice is, for the most part, a win win. Telling someone how great they look, will make them smile, and that smile will more than likely make you smile right back. One of the reasons that i want to become a therapist is that I want to make people feel and function better. In my professional life i want to be able to help people work through situations by positive speaking, and in my personal life I should be working on doing the same.
Talking negatively about others is not the only problem, because sometimes the most damaging comments come from ourselves. Its the The days when we tell ourselves we look fat, when we tell ourselves we aren't as attractive, when we don't think we deserve to feel better about ourselves. These comments I have heard from friends, family,and sometimes myself. It happens. We cannot all have good days. But I feel like in our society in particular, the pressure to look a certain way is intense. Thin is the main word that comes to mind. A majority of our society is trying to reach that certain level of thinness, and when we don't achieve it, we feel horrible about ourselves. I was watching Mean Girls other day and it was a good example of this trend. Lindsay Lohan's character Katy was watching The PLastics stand infront of the mirror and pick apart everything they felt was wrong with them. "my nail beds suck", "my shoulders are huge", "i have a huge forehead". and in the background Katy said, "i thought there was only fat and skinny". We have become so much more critical of ourselves, and we alll need to take a step back and accept what we got and what we were given. During my time at the EDU unit, I learned what affirmations were. The therapists would give their patient a phrase to repeat to themselves, maybe 5 times in the morning and 5 at night. They would be stuff that was so simple, "I am beautiful". The point was that at first, they would be saying it, not believing it, but over time they were not just saying it, but telling it to themselves as a fact. I think affirmations don't just need to be used in hospitals but in everyday life. How many times do you look at yourself in the mirror and say, "wow you're beautiful/smart/amazing/gorgous/etc". probably none. but think about it, if you were told everyday you were beautiful, wouldn't that make you smile? lol i think so. POSITIVE THOUGHTS PEOPLE!!
What I was trying to get out of this blog and my message to the masses was that we need to start being nicer as a society. Stop hating on people, stop making fun of others at their expense, and stop making unnecessary comments that does not better anyone. We should all be trying to bring each other up instead of bringing people down. There is a great quote from Marian Anderson, that pretty much sums it up, "As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might". Take it as a personal mission to try and eliminate negative talk out of your life. Before you berate someone else or yourself, realize it doesn't help anyone. No one benefits from it. On the other hand, saying something positive is ALWAYS a good thing, and only makes things better.
